Beware: Not Worth Reading

My life couldn’t be any less eventful than it has been the last few weeks. I have been desperate to blog but have had absolutely nothing worth mentioning, so I have given up on waiting for something exciting to come along and have chosen to write about the colorless details of my currently boring life. Fasten your seatbelts folks. These recent events and their highly adventurous nature might just knock you off your seat.

Boring Aspect #1 – My Job

Since Labor Day, work has been lame, lame, lame. I racked up some great sales over the holiday and made an impressive jump on our sales charts, but since then I have had ONE buying customer. Traffic is down horribly and the people that come in are grumpy frumpy! I would be grumpy too if I was considering buying ugly furniture. (Scott, dear boss, please do note that I haven’t revealed where I work and have a mere 5 followers—don’t fire me if you happen to read this.)

Since traffic is so low, it’s not uncommon for me to wait 4 hours for a client to come in. I do what I can to be on top of things. I tidy up my space and write thank you notes to those individuals who do purchase, then call and bug those that don’t. However, that type of follow up work only take so long, so in my spare time I have been reading large quantities of Harry Potter. I think that this will make my goal of finishing all 7 books before November more of a reality. Wahoo. At least if I undershoot my work goal, I will there is hope that I will reach my obsessive Harry Potter goal. I may need to reevaluate my priorities.

Boring Aspect #2 – The Bug

We got another bug. If I have to go through the hassle of killing a bug, I want it to be worthy of noting, but this one really wasn’t. It was a cockroach JUST like the last one. Same story. Same entrance through the bathtub drain… same pathetic death by toilet cleaner. As a matter of fact, it was so similar that it wasn’t even worth taking a picture of. The only notable difference was that this bug had a major bowel problem. He pooped all over our bathtub and then proceeded to leak brown stuff as he was being drowned. Anyhow, I’m just glad that we caught both roaches before they had time to scuttle out of the bathroom and into the kitchen or bedroom. Although finding a cockroach in my bed would make for a more eventful tale, I would rather write boring blog entries than deal with the alternative…

Boring Aspect #3 – The Notes

Chris and I have approximately 140 individuals to kindly thank for their love and support during our marriage. That being said: thank you notes are absolutely engulfing my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love expressing my gratitude but tend to get carried away in the process. This results in too long of notes which slows down my already slow thank you note writing pace. Anyhow, I’m becoming frantic. I'm already three and a half months into my marriage and just dropped off my first wave of letters at the post office today.

I have a number of excuses to explain my procrastination, which, since this is a boring entry anyway, I will expound upon. The trouble began when I decided to customize my own thank you cards. Initially there was a long waiting period between my wedding photos being taken on May 26th and the time that it took for them to arrive at my house a month and a half later. Then there was another waiting period between creating the cards online and their delivery time. THEN the cards got sent back to Tennessee where they were manufactured because the mail man couldn’t find my house (apparently I put the wrong house number down). So when the long awaited cards finally arrived--one hundred forty dollars and three months later, I pulled them out of their box and collapsed on the floor laughing.

Apparently I got a little carried away in the process of photo shopping the image I chose for the cover of the cards. Chris looked like a complete marshmallow. His features were unnaturally femmy and he appeared to have gained a good 15 pounds in the face. I didn’t know that Photoshop could be such a dangerous tool, even when ones intentions are good, but in the process of smoothing Chris’ skin, whitening his teeth, and giving him a computerized tan, he came out looking like a “gay model” as my brother-in-law so kindly put it. We plan on mailing those cards to people who are either blind or don’t know either of us well.

Moral of the story is—I did not intend to procrastinate my thank you letters but due to a series of unfortunate events… I have. If any of you are waiting on a letter from me, your patience would be greatly appreciated. And a word to the wise—just stick with Target for your thank you note needs. It will save you a lot of money and mockery.

I’m getting a stomach ache and a cold and need to go to bed. However, I trust that the above post was an accurate reflection of how non-eventful the non-events in my life have been as of late. Regardless, Chris and I are still enjoying one another’s company more than ever and we still find small ways to laugh when there is really nothing worth laughing over. Immaturity—the key to a successful marriage.

Thank you for reading this. Now go do something productive so I don't feel as if I have made a complete waste of your day.